My Love
Friday, May 16, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
final song
My Love
Sitting here thinking
On the changes
That God
Put me through
When life seemed empty
When I'd just
Given up on hope
There you were
Your bright smile
Lighting up the world
Chorus
And I thank you
For all you've done
You showed me the right way
You brighten each bad day
Spreading love
To everyone you knew
Why did you leave
Why couldn't you stay here
I know you're in a better place
But I miss you everyday
Regret inside
But all memories still alive
In my heart
You'll always be
Everything
And more to me
Analysis for song
"Sarah! Shayla! Where are you two rascal children?" Footsteps came nearer as the shadow slowly transformed into the familiar body of my grandma. Her large glasses embellished her nose as her kind eyes showed a sign of relief that we were ok. A chubby finger from hands that reflected many years of hard work was pointed directly at my cousin and I. "Get down from there, you'll get hurt!"
"Shay made me," I was quick to find a way out, but my grandma didn't buy it. "Sarah, don't lie or we will have to wash your mouth out with soap and Shay, stop biting your nails or I'll put chili pepper sauce on them." My grandma put up a tough front though we knew she was soft inside. "Now get studying, you can play after you're done." We climbed down and walked to the table to study as my grandma went back to the kitchen to cook dinner. The smell of fresh garlic bread, ripe tomato sauce and buttery noodles arose letting me know that dinner was ready.
Right as I was ready to eat, I heard a car pull up onto the driveway. "Sarah lets go." I recognized the familiar voice of my dad standing outside the house, the truck on and rumbling, ready to take me home. "Here, take this," my grandma said as she handed me a large pot with spaghetti noodles and a large plastic container filled with the delectable sauce. "Hurry, don't make your father wait." She said rushing me out of the house. "Thanks grandma, BYE SHAY!" I yelled to my cousin and gave my grandma a hug, then ran to the truck to go home. I looked out of the dashboard window as I saw my grandma standing outside the house waving and smiling as I rolled down the window to wave goodbye.
FIVE YEARS LATER
"Dad, is it time?" I overheard my aunty asking my grandpa as we all hovered over a single hospital bed that was in the Critical Care Unit of Queens hospital. "Yeah, I guess so," I heard him solemnly answer. "But let the kids say goodbye."
"Cass, Gi, Shay, say bye to grandma." My aunty started tearing, but not as bad as my mom.
"Yeah, Jess, Kris, Sarah, you guys too, tell grandma how much you loved her," my mother managed to get the words out between sobs. One by one, we looked at grandma's beautiful face, a face of kindness and love. When it was my turn, I slowly approached the bed, not sure of what to say. "I love you grandma, I am so sorry I didn't say that more. Thank you for everything that you have ever done. I'll see you in heaven." The words sort of naturally slipped out as I tried to hold back tears that kept coming out.
The nurse slowly took her breathing machine away, causing her to stop breathing. I watched as her heart rate monitor moved from 100 to 90 slowly to 10. Nothing that ever happened before in my life could have prepared me for that one moment. Finally at zero, I couldn't stand it. It felt like I couldn't breathe, like everything good was bad, like there was a huge hole in my heart.
My grandma, Sheila Kikue Yamashiro, died on August 15, 2007 at age 77.
The person that I used as an inspiration to write this song was my grandma. I tried writing about a number of other things, like the beach, friends, or summer but in the end, it all came back to her. Nothing else seemed to matter as much. The whole song isn't one big memory; instead it's just basically about how she was always such a good friend, and a good person to me. How she is one of the main people who shaped my life and has truly "saved" me in so many ways.
I wrote about my grandma's death in the song saying "Why did you leave, why couldn't you stay here, I know you're in a better place, but I miss you everyday". I also wrote, "Regret inside, but all memories still alive" because there are a lot of things that I regret not doing. I regret not seeing her more as I grew older, missing church with her because of basketball, not saying thank you and fully appreciating her or saying I love you enough.
The main point for my song was to get all my emotions and feelings out about my grandma. I think that the she has been the main thing on my mind for a long time, especially since it was the first death that I've ever had to deal with. But after writing this and living without her for a while, I think it made me a much stronger person. Its like what George Santayana said, "There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval." You can't do anything to stop the natural process of dying, so you will have to eventually learn how to deal with it. And you should live life to the fullest because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
Reflection
This project was interesting to make. Especially since I didnt have any previous experience with something like this. I would have to say that it was easier than i thought it would be, but it still took time to complete. I guess i am proud of how my song turned out, because i imagined it a LOT worse. I think its cool to see the many different things that people wrote about. Its like an easy way to seeing into people's thoughts. in the end, i enjoyed doing this project and learned a lot about myself and what i am thinking.
Sitting here thinking
On the changes
That God
Put me through
When life seemed empty
When I'd just
Given up on hope
There you were
Your bright smile
Lighting up the world
Chorus
And I thank you
For all you've done
You showed me the right way
You brighten each bad day
Spreading love
To everyone you knew
Why did you leave
Why couldn't you stay here
I know you're in a better place
But I miss you everyday
Regret inside
But all memories still alive
In my heart
You'll always be
Everything
And more to me
Analysis for song
"Sarah! Shayla! Where are you two rascal children?" Footsteps came nearer as the shadow slowly transformed into the familiar body of my grandma. Her large glasses embellished her nose as her kind eyes showed a sign of relief that we were ok. A chubby finger from hands that reflected many years of hard work was pointed directly at my cousin and I. "Get down from there, you'll get hurt!"
"Shay made me," I was quick to find a way out, but my grandma didn't buy it. "Sarah, don't lie or we will have to wash your mouth out with soap and Shay, stop biting your nails or I'll put chili pepper sauce on them." My grandma put up a tough front though we knew she was soft inside. "Now get studying, you can play after you're done." We climbed down and walked to the table to study as my grandma went back to the kitchen to cook dinner. The smell of fresh garlic bread, ripe tomato sauce and buttery noodles arose letting me know that dinner was ready.
Right as I was ready to eat, I heard a car pull up onto the driveway. "Sarah lets go." I recognized the familiar voice of my dad standing outside the house, the truck on and rumbling, ready to take me home. "Here, take this," my grandma said as she handed me a large pot with spaghetti noodles and a large plastic container filled with the delectable sauce. "Hurry, don't make your father wait." She said rushing me out of the house. "Thanks grandma, BYE SHAY!" I yelled to my cousin and gave my grandma a hug, then ran to the truck to go home. I looked out of the dashboard window as I saw my grandma standing outside the house waving and smiling as I rolled down the window to wave goodbye.
FIVE YEARS LATER
"Dad, is it time?" I overheard my aunty asking my grandpa as we all hovered over a single hospital bed that was in the Critical Care Unit of Queens hospital. "Yeah, I guess so," I heard him solemnly answer. "But let the kids say goodbye."
"Cass, Gi, Shay, say bye to grandma." My aunty started tearing, but not as bad as my mom.
"Yeah, Jess, Kris, Sarah, you guys too, tell grandma how much you loved her," my mother managed to get the words out between sobs. One by one, we looked at grandma's beautiful face, a face of kindness and love. When it was my turn, I slowly approached the bed, not sure of what to say. "I love you grandma, I am so sorry I didn't say that more. Thank you for everything that you have ever done. I'll see you in heaven." The words sort of naturally slipped out as I tried to hold back tears that kept coming out.
The nurse slowly took her breathing machine away, causing her to stop breathing. I watched as her heart rate monitor moved from 100 to 90 slowly to 10. Nothing that ever happened before in my life could have prepared me for that one moment. Finally at zero, I couldn't stand it. It felt like I couldn't breathe, like everything good was bad, like there was a huge hole in my heart.
My grandma, Sheila Kikue Yamashiro, died on August 15, 2007 at age 77.
The person that I used as an inspiration to write this song was my grandma. I tried writing about a number of other things, like the beach, friends, or summer but in the end, it all came back to her. Nothing else seemed to matter as much. The whole song isn't one big memory; instead it's just basically about how she was always such a good friend, and a good person to me. How she is one of the main people who shaped my life and has truly "saved" me in so many ways.
I wrote about my grandma's death in the song saying "Why did you leave, why couldn't you stay here, I know you're in a better place, but I miss you everyday". I also wrote, "Regret inside, but all memories still alive" because there are a lot of things that I regret not doing. I regret not seeing her more as I grew older, missing church with her because of basketball, not saying thank you and fully appreciating her or saying I love you enough.
The main point for my song was to get all my emotions and feelings out about my grandma. I think that the she has been the main thing on my mind for a long time, especially since it was the first death that I've ever had to deal with. But after writing this and living without her for a while, I think it made me a much stronger person. Its like what George Santayana said, "There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval." You can't do anything to stop the natural process of dying, so you will have to eventually learn how to deal with it. And you should live life to the fullest because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
Reflection
This project was interesting to make. Especially since I didnt have any previous experience with something like this. I would have to say that it was easier than i thought it would be, but it still took time to complete. I guess i am proud of how my song turned out, because i imagined it a LOT worse. I think its cool to see the many different things that people wrote about. Its like an easy way to seeing into people's thoughts. in the end, i enjoyed doing this project and learned a lot about myself and what i am thinking.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
final sonnet
Rain
A rhythmical hum from the ominous sky
In the blink of an eye, problems absent
Sign that even sometimes the clouds do cry
Clear beads of beauty; lasting abundance
The graceful drop gently kisses your cheek
Arrives fallen fresh from heaven, a gift
Spectrum of many drops that are unique
Recipe for joy, as young spirits lift
Different paths lead to diversity
Ending up on the road back to above
Destiny; to providing life daily
Gone without a single sign of rare love
Downheartedness inhibits my own soul
Gratefulness lacks in this world as a whole.
Analysis
The main point of my sonnet "Rain" comes towards the end of the poem. The last two lines are "Downheartedness inhabits my own soul, gratefulness lacks in this world as a whole." Those lines that I wrote mean, this world needs a lot more appreciation and thankfulness for everything that we have. And for me, seeing the lack of appreciation that occurs in our world makes me sad; and also makes me feel a bit guilty for displaying ungratefulness to people and to things. I made the main point come up in the end of the poem intentionally because I wanted readers to get the idea that everything I wrote before those last two lines are examples of things that we should appreciate in life, and it sort of sums up the poem. Through out my poem, I wrote several metaphors regarding the rain and relating it to many things.
The first metaphor that I including into my sonnet is the line "Sign that even sometimes the clouds do cry." I basically intended that line to represent how, in life not all things are perfect, even if they may appear that way. Like if you look at the clouds during a normal day in the perfect light blue sky, they appear as fluffy white, cotton-balls of perfection, gracefully floating through the sky. But like everything in the world, the clouds aren’t always perfect; sometimes they are large grey blobs that just look like they are taking up space in the sky. I guess this relates to life because, sometimes you look at someone and you are either jealous or think they are lucky, because maybe they posses certain qualities you want to have, but no one or nothing is ever perfect. Your blindness from their "perfection" hides their flaws.
In the second stanza, I wrote, "Different paths lead to diversity, ending up on the road back to above" to represent the many different paths that humans embark on in life that causes people, many times good friends, to go into different directions. You find it often, when you make a change in your life and deal with new people, yet you often run into some of your old friends. For example, I went to a different school before coming to Punahou, and in sixth grade, my cousin who was my best friend from my old school and I, went to different schools. She went to Mid Pac, and I pursued Punahou. Going down our separate paths we both seemed to be doing fine, then last year I found out she was coming to Punahou for this year, which shows that you never know where life will take you, sometimes it will pull you apart, other times bring you together. I put "Ending up on the road back to above" because hopefully when we all are through with our lives, we will all be back in heaven with each other. Metaphorically speaking, raindrops all start out together, then all separate into different paths, and then most of them condensate back into the clouds, together. Following that, I wrote "Gone without even a single sign of rare love" because it was another metaphor for how sometimes you don't appreciate the presence of a person, until they are no longer with you. With the raindrops it's like they come and people don't appreciate the rain, they think more about how it ruins their day, but if we didn't have rain, then there would be constant droughts of no water to refresh the land.
Through all of the metaphors, I think the main purpose in writing this poem, was to say that sometimes you don't appreciated things until they are gone, and then it is too late. And that we should learn to be grateful for what we have.
A rhythmical hum from the ominous sky
In the blink of an eye, problems absent
Sign that even sometimes the clouds do cry
Clear beads of beauty; lasting abundance
The graceful drop gently kisses your cheek
Arrives fallen fresh from heaven, a gift
Spectrum of many drops that are unique
Recipe for joy, as young spirits lift
Different paths lead to diversity
Ending up on the road back to above
Destiny; to providing life daily
Gone without a single sign of rare love
Downheartedness inhibits my own soul
Gratefulness lacks in this world as a whole.
Analysis
The main point of my sonnet "Rain" comes towards the end of the poem. The last two lines are "Downheartedness inhabits my own soul, gratefulness lacks in this world as a whole." Those lines that I wrote mean, this world needs a lot more appreciation and thankfulness for everything that we have. And for me, seeing the lack of appreciation that occurs in our world makes me sad; and also makes me feel a bit guilty for displaying ungratefulness to people and to things. I made the main point come up in the end of the poem intentionally because I wanted readers to get the idea that everything I wrote before those last two lines are examples of things that we should appreciate in life, and it sort of sums up the poem. Through out my poem, I wrote several metaphors regarding the rain and relating it to many things.
The first metaphor that I including into my sonnet is the line "Sign that even sometimes the clouds do cry." I basically intended that line to represent how, in life not all things are perfect, even if they may appear that way. Like if you look at the clouds during a normal day in the perfect light blue sky, they appear as fluffy white, cotton-balls of perfection, gracefully floating through the sky. But like everything in the world, the clouds aren’t always perfect; sometimes they are large grey blobs that just look like they are taking up space in the sky. I guess this relates to life because, sometimes you look at someone and you are either jealous or think they are lucky, because maybe they posses certain qualities you want to have, but no one or nothing is ever perfect. Your blindness from their "perfection" hides their flaws.
In the second stanza, I wrote, "Different paths lead to diversity, ending up on the road back to above" to represent the many different paths that humans embark on in life that causes people, many times good friends, to go into different directions. You find it often, when you make a change in your life and deal with new people, yet you often run into some of your old friends. For example, I went to a different school before coming to Punahou, and in sixth grade, my cousin who was my best friend from my old school and I, went to different schools. She went to Mid Pac, and I pursued Punahou. Going down our separate paths we both seemed to be doing fine, then last year I found out she was coming to Punahou for this year, which shows that you never know where life will take you, sometimes it will pull you apart, other times bring you together. I put "Ending up on the road back to above" because hopefully when we all are through with our lives, we will all be back in heaven with each other. Metaphorically speaking, raindrops all start out together, then all separate into different paths, and then most of them condensate back into the clouds, together. Following that, I wrote "Gone without even a single sign of rare love" because it was another metaphor for how sometimes you don't appreciate the presence of a person, until they are no longer with you. With the raindrops it's like they come and people don't appreciate the rain, they think more about how it ruins their day, but if we didn't have rain, then there would be constant droughts of no water to refresh the land.
Through all of the metaphors, I think the main purpose in writing this poem, was to say that sometimes you don't appreciated things until they are gone, and then it is too late. And that we should learn to be grateful for what we have.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
final story
Sarah Ota
March 2, 2008
A Grown Man
It all started when the goddamn bird outside decided that it would chirp continuously to disturb my perfectly good sleep. I decided I couldn’t go back to sleep and I would have to wake up a couple hours later for work anyways. I stared at the ceiling and reminisced on the past. Getting married to Sally Hayes at the age of twenty was probably one of the biggest goddamn mistakes that I've ever made. Sure she was attractive and the first girl that I lost my virginity to but she had a real problem, she was the biggest phony that I'd ever met. I think the only way I ever fell for ol' Sally was because she had lots of sex appeal and once I gave up my virginity to her, it just seemed right for us to tie the knot. I thought about how my life was going now; there are still goddamn phonies that annoy the hell out of me, like my boss Richard. But still, I was doing good, a job as a bartender, I bought my own house, and my life seems a whole lot better, well better than how crappy it was before.
I was working my daily shift at the bar; today I was working overtime for the whole goddamn night. There were the usual bastards that didn't leave their tips and the drunken men that tried to pick up the young girls. If you really want to know the truth, I used to be one of those bastards that knew nothing more than drinking and getting laid, but now I like to think that I've changed.
There was this one goddamn bastard that drank about ten shots of vodka and was literally puking out of his nostrils. He was getting touchy on this one girl who looked around my age. I must say she was pretty good-looking with a lot of sex appeal. Lots of girls in the bar were all attractive, but something about this one really turned me on. The same goddamn bastard was trying to pull her out of the bar, but she refused over and over again. He was wearing this crummy shirt all stained with puke and his breath probably smelled like crap. I jumped over the table with my fists clenched ready to knock this guy out. Already being at the bar for over four years, I'd say that I'm a pretty good fighter now. I grabbed the goddamn guy's shoulder and forcefully shoved him around to face me. Before he could even open his eyes, I got a good shot right square in the bastards nose. Just with that one punch, he was knocked out for good.
The girl standing there was sure a good catch. Her hair almost too beautiful to imagine, rode down the back of her neck like a river flowing down the mountains. Her eyes lit up the moment she saw me. Something about her. I knew her, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Who was she?
"Holden?" she asked. That voice rang through my mind. I'd heard it before, I knew I had. I'm not too sure why but her goddamn lovely voice triggered a sense of familiarity for me. I looked at her, and noticed her body. It was slender and curvy, and a body that I had once before seen.
It was Jane! God damnit, how could I have forgotten! Being a stupid moron I didn't know what to say. I froze up and stared at her with complete absence. Jane looked at me, smiling like she used to. She had become even more beautiful than she was as a kid. She had grown a lot, and now had even more appeal.
"Holden, I've missed you." She gave me a hug, it felt so good to hold her in my arms again. I mean I had definitely missed her presence. We hung out and it seemed exactly like the good old days, the laughing, the jokes, never an awkward moment. I thought about what in the first place had stopped Jane and me from seeing each other around.
"Jane, where have you been? I mean I haven't even seen you around and it's been ten years, what's new with you?"
"I actually went to San Francisco State University for college and well…"
I could tell that she hesitated to tell me something as if she was a nurse telling me that my goddamn mother was dead.
"…I sorta met someone and we've been kinda going out for 5 years now, and last week he actually proposed, so now we are living out here again, because it's where he got transferred for his job. He great, he really is a good guy, I really wish you could meet him."
"Oh that's good then." I shot her the bull and tried to hide my huge longing for her to be mine, in some strange way it seemed like she wanted me just as much as I wanted her, but was scared to admit it. I mean I could see the way that she looked at me and how she talked to me, it was like she wanted to be with me but couldn’t.
"Well I should go home then, I think Adam might be getting worried, uhh it was really nice talking to you, maybe we can do it again sometime." She hurried out. It seemed like just when our conversations were getting deep and we were just starting to make a goddamn connection she decided she should be leaving me with all the crappy other people in the bar. It took me only a goddamn second to realize that something needed to be done; I mean I guess I realized she was the one for me, and I didn't want to lose another important person in my life.
Okay, I know it sounds very bad and it makes me sound like a complete moron, but I couldn’t help it, my goddamn heart was racing, I was in love. I followed her home, I needed to see this Adam guy, could he be like my long ago roommate Sradlater? Or what was he like? Ideas floated around in my goddamn confused head. I thought it was odd that Jane stopped off at her old house, the little blue house that contained many of our childhood memories that seemed decades ago. She never came out of the house, did her and Adam now live with her parents or did she lie to me about this goddamn stupid husband of hers?
I didn’t understand, but you know what, I didn’t care. All I knew was that I loved her. After thirty of the longest goddamn minutes of my entire life of just staring at the house waiting for this bastard of a husband to come out of the goddamn house so I could get a look at him, I decided to go to the door and talk to Jane, I was desperate for her love.
"Holden, what are you doing here? Did you follow me from the bar?" she looked shocked at my unexpected arrival. And to be completely honest, I didn’t even think what to say before confronting her, but whatever I was planning on saying, it had to be good. First I thought of using the whole "I wish you could meet him" crap she told me and tell her that I really wanted to meet him, which was complete bull. Then I thought about shooting the bull at her some more making up a story that led me to be there but I couldn’t do it, for once in my whole crappy life, I couldn’t lie, not to Jane at least.
"Okay, I have to tell you this before I don’t have the courage to say anything, I love you Jane, I've loved you since that summer and I never can stop thinking about you, I think about you everyday and for some reason, I feel like you feel the same way, but you are scared to show it."
Jane looked at me in awe, like she was watching a dog stand up and walk on only two of its goddamn legs.
"Holden, I…"
She paused, a long and awkward silence occurred and I was starting to regret telling her that I loved her thinking that I was a stupid moron who probably scared the crap out of her.
Then, I got ready for her rejection, I thought about all the bad things that have happened to me and realized that I didn't know if I could handle this one. She was looking real deep into my eyes with a nervous look, one that I had seen before when her stepfather asked her for cigarettes. Then she sort of snapped out of it and thought for a while.
When I was just getting ready to go back into the car and drive away to leave the embarrassing situation I had gotten myself in, she said the four most beautiful words I've ever heard. "I love you too."
From then on, my life changed, everything seemed different. I felt like there was no such thing as a phony and every person in the whole wide world that I had lied to or that I judged too quickly, I wanted to take it back. Life was now something that I enjoyed, something that I could look forward to. I ran back to her and looked at Jane, her beautiful eyes staring at me.
"Holden I owe you an apology, I am so sorry for making the guy Adam up and being scared of committing to you, but the truth is I've always loved you too. I thought that with you in my life, it would remind me of my horrible childhood, my stepfather. But you were always the one thing in my life that was incredible, the one great part that I never really appreciated."
I soaked up all this new information; now I actually have some who cares about me, someone who would miss me if I were to ever die, someone who has been through the same thing as me, someone to fill the big hole in my heart were Allie once was.
Analysis
When I got the assignment to write about where Holden would be in ten years, I decided to write about how he would have been immature and got married to Sally when he was still really young, but then realized that she was a big phony. He then meets Jane in a bar, and Holden immediately falls back in love with Jane and he finds out that she is in love with him also. My story relates to the book "The Catcher in the Rye" because it shares many similar themes.
First of all, the theme of Childhood vs. Adulthood. In the book, Holden in very immature he is always wanting to have sex and talking big, then backing down and realizing that he doesn't know what he wants. For example on page 96, Holden shows an example of his immaturity.
Maurice's offers for Holden a girl to have sex with him for five dollars and Holden accepts. Then when the girl comes to his door and is getting ready to do it Holden stops her.
"Look," I said. "I don't feel very much like myself tonight. I've had a rough night. Honest to God I'll pay you and all, but do you mind very much if we don't do it? Do you mind very much?" The trouble was, I just didn't want to do it. I felt more depressed than sexy, if you want to know the truth. "
This really shows that Holden isn't ready to grow up. It seems that the one main things that is holding him back from growing up and living his life as a regular teenage boy is that he is sad, or "depressed" as he puts it. I think that his actions that seem odd all somehow relate back to the death of his brother. So instead he tries to put up such a big front, like he is so mature and is so experienced, but inside he is so insecure and very unsure of himself.
Its like he is in that stage of growing up and taking a big step into adulthood. In my story, Holden takes another step into adulthood. I made it so he lost his virginity to Sally and then thought that she was the one that he wanted to marry at age twenty.
When you look at that decision of wanting to marry her, you can see that it is very immature, he thinks that he is ready to share the whole rest of his life with Sally, someone that he barely is attracted to as a person, but rather much more attracted to her physically. By him realizing that the marriage wont work out and moving on with his life, I think that is one step of Adulthood.
After the failed marriage, Holden's life shapes up; he gets a good job, has his own house and has definitely matured, you can tell just by the way he was watching how the guys in the bar were acting and seeing how he admitted to being like that before but then realizing he changed. Another step of maturity for Holden is when he just comes out clean and tells Jane "I love you" its like he was breaking out of his insecure self and telling the truth. I think that shows maturity because it takes a mature person to not lie and to admit something that could be rejected.
There is also a sign of Childhood vs. Adulthood for Jane. Obviously, like Holden Jane didn’t have a very good childhood, with her mean stepfather, and hates to be reminded of him, but Jane matures and learns to accept Holden as a new part in her life, not as a reminder of how bad her life was before.
Another theme that the book and my story share in common is Allies death or death in general. Holden has never actually gotten over Allie's death. He has always just been sort of walking around with a huge hole in his heart for where Allie used to be. But by giving and receiving love from Jane, he realizes that he can finally make peace with Allie's death. He realizes that people actually do care for him and that there is more to life then just being depressed all the time and moping around, and I think Jane shows him that by giving him love. I think that theme is important because it really affects how Holden acts, he was basically numb to all emotions, he didn’t know how to feel happiness or love, he didn’t feel pain, he just didn’t want to feel anything, but when Jane accepted his love like Allie had then he felt happy again and the large hole the Allie left in his heart, was now taken up with Jane.
In conclusion, I related my story to the themes that J.D Salinger incorporated into his book. The two main themes were childhood vs. adulthood for both Jane and Holden and coping with Allie's death, or death in general. I think both Jane and Holden were stuck in the middle of childhood and adulthood, but by them admitting their love for one another, they took another step into adulthood. They were insecure, depressed people since their childhoods were so scaring and so hard to get over, but sometimes all you need is that one person to say three little words to turn around and change your whole life and how you look at things for the better.
March 2, 2008
A Grown Man
It all started when the goddamn bird outside decided that it would chirp continuously to disturb my perfectly good sleep. I decided I couldn’t go back to sleep and I would have to wake up a couple hours later for work anyways. I stared at the ceiling and reminisced on the past. Getting married to Sally Hayes at the age of twenty was probably one of the biggest goddamn mistakes that I've ever made. Sure she was attractive and the first girl that I lost my virginity to but she had a real problem, she was the biggest phony that I'd ever met. I think the only way I ever fell for ol' Sally was because she had lots of sex appeal and once I gave up my virginity to her, it just seemed right for us to tie the knot. I thought about how my life was going now; there are still goddamn phonies that annoy the hell out of me, like my boss Richard. But still, I was doing good, a job as a bartender, I bought my own house, and my life seems a whole lot better, well better than how crappy it was before.
I was working my daily shift at the bar; today I was working overtime for the whole goddamn night. There were the usual bastards that didn't leave their tips and the drunken men that tried to pick up the young girls. If you really want to know the truth, I used to be one of those bastards that knew nothing more than drinking and getting laid, but now I like to think that I've changed.
There was this one goddamn bastard that drank about ten shots of vodka and was literally puking out of his nostrils. He was getting touchy on this one girl who looked around my age. I must say she was pretty good-looking with a lot of sex appeal. Lots of girls in the bar were all attractive, but something about this one really turned me on. The same goddamn bastard was trying to pull her out of the bar, but she refused over and over again. He was wearing this crummy shirt all stained with puke and his breath probably smelled like crap. I jumped over the table with my fists clenched ready to knock this guy out. Already being at the bar for over four years, I'd say that I'm a pretty good fighter now. I grabbed the goddamn guy's shoulder and forcefully shoved him around to face me. Before he could even open his eyes, I got a good shot right square in the bastards nose. Just with that one punch, he was knocked out for good.
The girl standing there was sure a good catch. Her hair almost too beautiful to imagine, rode down the back of her neck like a river flowing down the mountains. Her eyes lit up the moment she saw me. Something about her. I knew her, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Who was she?
"Holden?" she asked. That voice rang through my mind. I'd heard it before, I knew I had. I'm not too sure why but her goddamn lovely voice triggered a sense of familiarity for me. I looked at her, and noticed her body. It was slender and curvy, and a body that I had once before seen.
It was Jane! God damnit, how could I have forgotten! Being a stupid moron I didn't know what to say. I froze up and stared at her with complete absence. Jane looked at me, smiling like she used to. She had become even more beautiful than she was as a kid. She had grown a lot, and now had even more appeal.
"Holden, I've missed you." She gave me a hug, it felt so good to hold her in my arms again. I mean I had definitely missed her presence. We hung out and it seemed exactly like the good old days, the laughing, the jokes, never an awkward moment. I thought about what in the first place had stopped Jane and me from seeing each other around.
"Jane, where have you been? I mean I haven't even seen you around and it's been ten years, what's new with you?"
"I actually went to San Francisco State University for college and well…"
I could tell that she hesitated to tell me something as if she was a nurse telling me that my goddamn mother was dead.
"…I sorta met someone and we've been kinda going out for 5 years now, and last week he actually proposed, so now we are living out here again, because it's where he got transferred for his job. He great, he really is a good guy, I really wish you could meet him."
"Oh that's good then." I shot her the bull and tried to hide my huge longing for her to be mine, in some strange way it seemed like she wanted me just as much as I wanted her, but was scared to admit it. I mean I could see the way that she looked at me and how she talked to me, it was like she wanted to be with me but couldn’t.
"Well I should go home then, I think Adam might be getting worried, uhh it was really nice talking to you, maybe we can do it again sometime." She hurried out. It seemed like just when our conversations were getting deep and we were just starting to make a goddamn connection she decided she should be leaving me with all the crappy other people in the bar. It took me only a goddamn second to realize that something needed to be done; I mean I guess I realized she was the one for me, and I didn't want to lose another important person in my life.
Okay, I know it sounds very bad and it makes me sound like a complete moron, but I couldn’t help it, my goddamn heart was racing, I was in love. I followed her home, I needed to see this Adam guy, could he be like my long ago roommate Sradlater? Or what was he like? Ideas floated around in my goddamn confused head. I thought it was odd that Jane stopped off at her old house, the little blue house that contained many of our childhood memories that seemed decades ago. She never came out of the house, did her and Adam now live with her parents or did she lie to me about this goddamn stupid husband of hers?
I didn’t understand, but you know what, I didn’t care. All I knew was that I loved her. After thirty of the longest goddamn minutes of my entire life of just staring at the house waiting for this bastard of a husband to come out of the goddamn house so I could get a look at him, I decided to go to the door and talk to Jane, I was desperate for her love.
"Holden, what are you doing here? Did you follow me from the bar?" she looked shocked at my unexpected arrival. And to be completely honest, I didn’t even think what to say before confronting her, but whatever I was planning on saying, it had to be good. First I thought of using the whole "I wish you could meet him" crap she told me and tell her that I really wanted to meet him, which was complete bull. Then I thought about shooting the bull at her some more making up a story that led me to be there but I couldn’t do it, for once in my whole crappy life, I couldn’t lie, not to Jane at least.
"Okay, I have to tell you this before I don’t have the courage to say anything, I love you Jane, I've loved you since that summer and I never can stop thinking about you, I think about you everyday and for some reason, I feel like you feel the same way, but you are scared to show it."
Jane looked at me in awe, like she was watching a dog stand up and walk on only two of its goddamn legs.
"Holden, I…"
She paused, a long and awkward silence occurred and I was starting to regret telling her that I loved her thinking that I was a stupid moron who probably scared the crap out of her.
Then, I got ready for her rejection, I thought about all the bad things that have happened to me and realized that I didn't know if I could handle this one. She was looking real deep into my eyes with a nervous look, one that I had seen before when her stepfather asked her for cigarettes. Then she sort of snapped out of it and thought for a while.
When I was just getting ready to go back into the car and drive away to leave the embarrassing situation I had gotten myself in, she said the four most beautiful words I've ever heard. "I love you too."
From then on, my life changed, everything seemed different. I felt like there was no such thing as a phony and every person in the whole wide world that I had lied to or that I judged too quickly, I wanted to take it back. Life was now something that I enjoyed, something that I could look forward to. I ran back to her and looked at Jane, her beautiful eyes staring at me.
"Holden I owe you an apology, I am so sorry for making the guy Adam up and being scared of committing to you, but the truth is I've always loved you too. I thought that with you in my life, it would remind me of my horrible childhood, my stepfather. But you were always the one thing in my life that was incredible, the one great part that I never really appreciated."
I soaked up all this new information; now I actually have some who cares about me, someone who would miss me if I were to ever die, someone who has been through the same thing as me, someone to fill the big hole in my heart were Allie once was.
Analysis
When I got the assignment to write about where Holden would be in ten years, I decided to write about how he would have been immature and got married to Sally when he was still really young, but then realized that she was a big phony. He then meets Jane in a bar, and Holden immediately falls back in love with Jane and he finds out that she is in love with him also. My story relates to the book "The Catcher in the Rye" because it shares many similar themes.
First of all, the theme of Childhood vs. Adulthood. In the book, Holden in very immature he is always wanting to have sex and talking big, then backing down and realizing that he doesn't know what he wants. For example on page 96, Holden shows an example of his immaturity.
Maurice's offers for Holden a girl to have sex with him for five dollars and Holden accepts. Then when the girl comes to his door and is getting ready to do it Holden stops her.
"Look," I said. "I don't feel very much like myself tonight. I've had a rough night. Honest to God I'll pay you and all, but do you mind very much if we don't do it? Do you mind very much?" The trouble was, I just didn't want to do it. I felt more depressed than sexy, if you want to know the truth. "
This really shows that Holden isn't ready to grow up. It seems that the one main things that is holding him back from growing up and living his life as a regular teenage boy is that he is sad, or "depressed" as he puts it. I think that his actions that seem odd all somehow relate back to the death of his brother. So instead he tries to put up such a big front, like he is so mature and is so experienced, but inside he is so insecure and very unsure of himself.
Its like he is in that stage of growing up and taking a big step into adulthood. In my story, Holden takes another step into adulthood. I made it so he lost his virginity to Sally and then thought that she was the one that he wanted to marry at age twenty.
When you look at that decision of wanting to marry her, you can see that it is very immature, he thinks that he is ready to share the whole rest of his life with Sally, someone that he barely is attracted to as a person, but rather much more attracted to her physically. By him realizing that the marriage wont work out and moving on with his life, I think that is one step of Adulthood.
After the failed marriage, Holden's life shapes up; he gets a good job, has his own house and has definitely matured, you can tell just by the way he was watching how the guys in the bar were acting and seeing how he admitted to being like that before but then realizing he changed. Another step of maturity for Holden is when he just comes out clean and tells Jane "I love you" its like he was breaking out of his insecure self and telling the truth. I think that shows maturity because it takes a mature person to not lie and to admit something that could be rejected.
There is also a sign of Childhood vs. Adulthood for Jane. Obviously, like Holden Jane didn’t have a very good childhood, with her mean stepfather, and hates to be reminded of him, but Jane matures and learns to accept Holden as a new part in her life, not as a reminder of how bad her life was before.
Another theme that the book and my story share in common is Allies death or death in general. Holden has never actually gotten over Allie's death. He has always just been sort of walking around with a huge hole in his heart for where Allie used to be. But by giving and receiving love from Jane, he realizes that he can finally make peace with Allie's death. He realizes that people actually do care for him and that there is more to life then just being depressed all the time and moping around, and I think Jane shows him that by giving him love. I think that theme is important because it really affects how Holden acts, he was basically numb to all emotions, he didn’t know how to feel happiness or love, he didn’t feel pain, he just didn’t want to feel anything, but when Jane accepted his love like Allie had then he felt happy again and the large hole the Allie left in his heart, was now taken up with Jane.
In conclusion, I related my story to the themes that J.D Salinger incorporated into his book. The two main themes were childhood vs. adulthood for both Jane and Holden and coping with Allie's death, or death in general. I think both Jane and Holden were stuck in the middle of childhood and adulthood, but by them admitting their love for one another, they took another step into adulthood. They were insecure, depressed people since their childhoods were so scaring and so hard to get over, but sometimes all you need is that one person to say three little words to turn around and change your whole life and how you look at things for the better.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Book
Themes.
Allie's death (death in general)
Journey in life
Insecurity
Relationships
Childhood vs. adulthood
Conditions (depression)
Phonies
Rebellion
Depression symptoms.
-Reminiscing on Allie
-Think about his own funeral
-Sad/Negative thoughts
-Smoking
-Failure in school
-Suicidal
Allie's death (death in general)
Journey in life
Insecurity
Relationships
Childhood vs. adulthood
Conditions (depression)
Phonies
Rebellion
Depression symptoms.
-Reminiscing on Allie
-Think about his own funeral
-Sad/Negative thoughts
-Smoking
-Failure in school
-Suicidal
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
paper #1
Sarah Ota
February 8, 2008
English
Paper #1
The Connections of Lives
The story that I chose to tell was about how there is this one frustrating thing that my parents do to me, which is making me repeat what I am saying more than one time. Basically doing the whole "selective hearing" stuff that I just cant stand. This particular situation is about me asking the permission of my parents to go to the beach with my friends. I wrote about how frustrating and how much I need to go through to try to get the approval of my parents to go anywhere. The emotions and aggravation that I feel when talking to my parents are the same in which Holden feels when he is talking to Mr. Spencer. An example in the book is on page 10, when Holden goes to visit Mr. Spencer before he leaves.
"I flunked you in history because you knew absolutely nothing."
"I know that sir. Boy, I know it. You couldn't help it."
"Absolutely nothing," Mr. Spencer said over again.
Holden then talks about how he hates when people repeat a statement twice and it really irks him. I can totally relate to the feeling of anger that Holden is feeling when Mr. Spencer does that, because my parents do the exact same thing.
Another example of it is on page 20, when Holden is talking with Ackley.
"We win, or what?" he said.
"Nobody won," I said. Without looking up, though.
"What?" he said. He always made you say everything twice.
"Nobody won," I said.
I guess in the way, Holden and I are similar since we both are easily irritated. Like when I was reading this story and came across both of those situations, I thought to myself I that is exactly how I am, and I can really relate to Holden's character in that way. Another similarity between Holden and I is that we both say things just to make the person feel like we agree what they are saying. When my parents ask me questions and sometimes I know that they are not going to like the answer, I sugarcoat my answer and make it sound better than it is. Holden does it a little differently by just straight out, one hundred percent, lying to the person, but we think similarly. For example on page 8, Holden speaks with Mr. Spencer.
"Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules."
"Yes, sir. I know it is. I know it."
While inside thinking, "Game, my ass. Some game."
So basically he just tells Mr. Spencer what he wants to hear just to make him be quiet and not argue back with him, which is what I do a lot when dealing with my parents.
Holden seems to have a problem with his parents as well as adults in general and I think that also is something that we share. He always has some kind of conflict with an adult if its not the bartender it's the taxi driver if its not the taxi driver its his parents. And I think I am also like that. But from reading it from a third point of view I think it helped me learn something. That most of the time even though it might be the last thought that would ever cross my mind, its me or as I've been seeing it in the book, its Holden who is the one that causes the conflict and trouble between people. By reading about this, it seems like it is a sign of immaturity, and needing someone to be blamed other than yourself, so I learned that I need to learn to take more responsibility for my actions.
February 8, 2008
English
Paper #1
The Connections of Lives
The story that I chose to tell was about how there is this one frustrating thing that my parents do to me, which is making me repeat what I am saying more than one time. Basically doing the whole "selective hearing" stuff that I just cant stand. This particular situation is about me asking the permission of my parents to go to the beach with my friends. I wrote about how frustrating and how much I need to go through to try to get the approval of my parents to go anywhere. The emotions and aggravation that I feel when talking to my parents are the same in which Holden feels when he is talking to Mr. Spencer. An example in the book is on page 10, when Holden goes to visit Mr. Spencer before he leaves.
"I flunked you in history because you knew absolutely nothing."
"I know that sir. Boy, I know it. You couldn't help it."
"Absolutely nothing," Mr. Spencer said over again.
Holden then talks about how he hates when people repeat a statement twice and it really irks him. I can totally relate to the feeling of anger that Holden is feeling when Mr. Spencer does that, because my parents do the exact same thing.
Another example of it is on page 20, when Holden is talking with Ackley.
"We win, or what?" he said.
"Nobody won," I said. Without looking up, though.
"What?" he said. He always made you say everything twice.
"Nobody won," I said.
I guess in the way, Holden and I are similar since we both are easily irritated. Like when I was reading this story and came across both of those situations, I thought to myself I that is exactly how I am, and I can really relate to Holden's character in that way. Another similarity between Holden and I is that we both say things just to make the person feel like we agree what they are saying. When my parents ask me questions and sometimes I know that they are not going to like the answer, I sugarcoat my answer and make it sound better than it is. Holden does it a little differently by just straight out, one hundred percent, lying to the person, but we think similarly. For example on page 8, Holden speaks with Mr. Spencer.
"Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules."
"Yes, sir. I know it is. I know it."
While inside thinking, "Game, my ass. Some game."
So basically he just tells Mr. Spencer what he wants to hear just to make him be quiet and not argue back with him, which is what I do a lot when dealing with my parents.
Holden seems to have a problem with his parents as well as adults in general and I think that also is something that we share. He always has some kind of conflict with an adult if its not the bartender it's the taxi driver if its not the taxi driver its his parents. And I think I am also like that. But from reading it from a third point of view I think it helped me learn something. That most of the time even though it might be the last thought that would ever cross my mind, its me or as I've been seeing it in the book, its Holden who is the one that causes the conflict and trouble between people. By reading about this, it seems like it is a sign of immaturity, and needing someone to be blamed other than yourself, so I learned that I need to learn to take more responsibility for my actions.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
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short story
Sarah Ota
January 23, 2007
English
The Frustrating Truth About My Parents
The process of asking my parents if I can go anywhere is a challenging one that takes much lying and staying calm.
"Uh mom, can I go out today?" I asked with hope of receiving a positive answer.
"What?" she responded.
"Can I go ou..?" I always have to repeat the question twice, even though I am sure she could clearly hear me especially since I was standing two feet away from her asking the question. She cut off my second approach to ask the question in finally understanding what I was saying.
"Ohh, did you finish your homework?"
"Yeah, I'm like basically done, just gotta do a few more problems for math."
When asking my parents if I can go out, they always need the reassurance of knowing exactly who will be attending, and exactly what time I'll be back, being the overprotective parents that they are.
"I'm gunna go beach with like kelc, kylie, tiana guys, we're going to Walls," I said even though we still hadn’t decided where to go and who was coming.
"Im the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. Its awful."
"Who are you going with?" my mom asked the irritating repeating question.
Trying to not get mad, I calmly answered through gritted teeth, "Kelc, Ky, and T."
"Who?" she said.
Now it was getting to the point where it was just plain ridiculous.
"Ohh, Tiana, ohh I get it. What time will you be back by?"
"Hopefully around five, not sure yet but Kelcie said she could give me a ride back to her house so you can just pick me up from there, so I gotta leave the same time she is getting picked up."
As soon as that long phrase left my mouth, I regretted not just saying "Oh around five" knowing that my mom is going to make this even harder than it is.
"Wait so you are going to catch a ride back home with Kelcie," she inquired
"YES MOM," I tried to be in control of my frustration that was slowly overtaking me.
"I guess so, try ask you dad," my request finally received approval of one parent, task half way completed.
As I ran up the stairs to where my parent's room was, I reviewed my plan in my head. If he has any questions try to just stick with, "Mom said its okay to go."
"Hey dad?," I shouted over the sound of running water as the smell of shaving cream passed by my nose.
"Yea," he responded knowing I was asking for something.
"Uhh so I asked mom if I can go to the beach today and she said okay so can I go?" I asked hopefully once more.
"So mom said okay?" he asked shouting over the sound of the faucet, which was surprisingly louder to him than expected.
"Umm yea, she said that its fine, so can I go?"
"Wait I cant hear you… What?" he yelled as I thought about all the times when I talked back quietly to him and somehow he could catch every single word of what I would say.
"SHE SAID ITS FINE!" I said the feeling of frustration once again erupting in my system.
"There is no need to get all excited and mad," he said testing my patience.
"So when will you be done at?" he asked.
"Probably fiveish," even though I wasn't sure at all when I would be through.
"WHAT? SIX?" he asked. "WHAT?"
"Dad," I took a deep breath and tried to sound calm. "About five, is it okay?"
"I guess so."
Finally with the approval of my parents that enjoy making me repeat everything twice or sometimes three times I went to the beach. Its like they don't understand how frustrating it is to talk to them, and its not only for things like going out its for any question I ask them, we establish what I say about two times before they answer. Here's the thing, its not like my parents are deaf, they aren’t stupid either, it's just that sometimes they just have this "selective hearing" that really bugs me. It's a good thing that I can usually make up a pretty good lie to sugar coat the truth and make the story seem the way my parents want it.
Comments:
I like the dialogue. I think you could add a little more non-dialogue parts inbetween the rest of the dialogue.
January 23, 2007
English
The Frustrating Truth About My Parents
The process of asking my parents if I can go anywhere is a challenging one that takes much lying and staying calm.
"Uh mom, can I go out today?" I asked with hope of receiving a positive answer.
"What?" she responded.
"Can I go ou..?" I always have to repeat the question twice, even though I am sure she could clearly hear me especially since I was standing two feet away from her asking the question. She cut off my second approach to ask the question in finally understanding what I was saying.
"Ohh, did you finish your homework?"
"Yeah, I'm like basically done, just gotta do a few more problems for math."
When asking my parents if I can go out, they always need the reassurance of knowing exactly who will be attending, and exactly what time I'll be back, being the overprotective parents that they are.
"I'm gunna go beach with like kelc, kylie, tiana guys, we're going to Walls," I said even though we still hadn’t decided where to go and who was coming.
"Im the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. Its awful."
"Who are you going with?" my mom asked the irritating repeating question.
Trying to not get mad, I calmly answered through gritted teeth, "Kelc, Ky, and T."
"Who?" she said.
Now it was getting to the point where it was just plain ridiculous.
"Ohh, Tiana, ohh I get it. What time will you be back by?"
"Hopefully around five, not sure yet but Kelcie said she could give me a ride back to her house so you can just pick me up from there, so I gotta leave the same time she is getting picked up."
As soon as that long phrase left my mouth, I regretted not just saying "Oh around five" knowing that my mom is going to make this even harder than it is.
"Wait so you are going to catch a ride back home with Kelcie," she inquired
"YES MOM," I tried to be in control of my frustration that was slowly overtaking me.
"I guess so, try ask you dad," my request finally received approval of one parent, task half way completed.
As I ran up the stairs to where my parent's room was, I reviewed my plan in my head. If he has any questions try to just stick with, "Mom said its okay to go."
"Hey dad?," I shouted over the sound of running water as the smell of shaving cream passed by my nose.
"Yea," he responded knowing I was asking for something.
"Uhh so I asked mom if I can go to the beach today and she said okay so can I go?" I asked hopefully once more.
"So mom said okay?" he asked shouting over the sound of the faucet, which was surprisingly louder to him than expected.
"Umm yea, she said that its fine, so can I go?"
"Wait I cant hear you… What?" he yelled as I thought about all the times when I talked back quietly to him and somehow he could catch every single word of what I would say.
"SHE SAID ITS FINE!" I said the feeling of frustration once again erupting in my system.
"There is no need to get all excited and mad," he said testing my patience.
"So when will you be done at?" he asked.
"Probably fiveish," even though I wasn't sure at all when I would be through.
"WHAT? SIX?" he asked. "WHAT?"
"Dad," I took a deep breath and tried to sound calm. "About five, is it okay?"
"I guess so."
Finally with the approval of my parents that enjoy making me repeat everything twice or sometimes three times I went to the beach. Its like they don't understand how frustrating it is to talk to them, and its not only for things like going out its for any question I ask them, we establish what I say about two times before they answer. Here's the thing, its not like my parents are deaf, they aren’t stupid either, it's just that sometimes they just have this "selective hearing" that really bugs me. It's a good thing that I can usually make up a pretty good lie to sugar coat the truth and make the story seem the way my parents want it.
Comments:
I like the dialogue. I think you could add a little more non-dialogue parts inbetween the rest of the dialogue.
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